winter break

okay ladies, this is officially the last day of work before winter break. so i won't be posting for about 2-3 weeks. i hope y'all tune back in in January, cuz there's always venting and laughing to be done when in the service industry. Assuming you enjoy that kind of stuff ;)

pain reliever addiction

it sucks to see people addicted to pain relievers. they've got issues, and not just physical ones.

louis vuitton shoes

so 3 gay men walked in and ordered drinks, and started chatting. now, gay men are at the knowledge peak of fashion, but i'm sure most of you knew that. i just found it mind boggling to overhear the actual conversation. so one guy said something about his louis vuitton shoes being the most comfortable shoes ever, and "they look nice too." the other guy says, "well my shoes haven't been too bad" and he looks down at it, "they're wingclip too." the whole 2 hours listening to their conversation was sort of surreal, and very fascinating.

they tipped a helluva lot though :) chump change for those who own many pairs of louis vuitton shoes, right?

recessive gene

you hear the most 'interesting' conversations at a bar. not that i care to hear the dumb ones, but more like i'm forced to listen to them...and smile and nod when they look at you asking for your opinion (but really wanting you to just agree with them). so today some girls were talking about how it is impossible for a mother and father, both with blue eyes, to have a child that has brown eyes, because blue eyes is a recessive gene and brown is dominant, blah blah. so yea, this 'discussion' went on for ages. i am constantly amazed at how the same point can be expressed in 50 different ways. and then i'm even more amazed at how someone cannot understand that point after all that. yea...

cheapskates

yes, bars are overpriced. yes, drinks are overly expensive here. if you didn't know this, you should leave and save us all some trouble. some girls asked me, "how much are your cheapest shots?" and cringed when i said $6 tequila. yea sorry you don't have a guy around to pay for you -- maybe if some guy were paying you'd order the $12 shots, wouldn't you.

and then there are those people who ask for a drink, i give them the drink and say $8, and they say, " $8?!?!?!" I say, "yes, $8." they SIGH and pay it reluctantly, and of course, don't tip me because they're spending too much money already so tip isn't necessary. SERIOUSLY. like I have anything to do with the price markup.

pair of bitches

there are these two bitches i really hate. they come in together, sometimes with this one guy.

yesterday: bitch #1 ordered a salad with pieces of pita bread in it. 30 minutes later she flags me down and says, "i don't like the salad. the pieces of bread are all burnt. i WANT to return this. i WANT to exchange it for another drink." first of all, the pieces of bread weren't burnt, they were brown and crispy the way they were supposed to. but fine, if she didn't like them, she didn't have to eat 75% of the damn salad (which is only as much as she would have eaten in the first place anyway). so basically she wanted a free drink. fine, i'll give her a free drink, but she doesn't have to say it in such a bitchy manner. anyway, she usually gets a cheap beer like the cheapskate she is. then she goes on to say, " i WANT to replace the salad with a drink. when i'm done with my beer, i WANT an apple martini. and make it good." just cuz you're getting a 'free' drink you don't have to abuse it by ordering a more expensive drink than you normally get. then she tips me $1 for the beer, salad, and martini. !!!!!!!

today: bitch #1 came in with bitch #2 and guy. bitch #1 ordered a side of fries and 'free' bread. so the fries come and since the bread is free, i don't put it on the order so the waitresses don't bring it out, and i have to go get it myself. so this was friday night at like 11:30pm and people are ordering drinks left and right. waitress brings out fries, i give bitch #1 her fries. then i go make some drinks and she asks me for the bread while i'm making the drinks near her. so i nod and say, "sorry, i'll get it right out for you," and i continue making my drinks (which happened to be a big order, 5 drinks or something). so after i made like 3 drinks i happened to look up and she looked at me and whined and gave me this look like "i want my bread!". SHE WHINED. like, she made a noise a female dog would make. i was so irate. so i walk into the damn kitchen, get her her damn bread, give her the check too. AND GUESS WHAT. SHE STIFFS ME. she eats her fries and free bread, and LEAVES without paying. that bitch. and i can't do shit about it because she was gone and i couldn't describe her to the manager and the manager probably would have let it go anyway cuz she comes in pretty often. anyway, whatever, not like i woulda gotten any tip from her cheap ass anyway. but still, that is so rude.

ON TOP of that. bitch #2 orders a beer and a drink. that comes to $13. she hands me a $10, and i walk towards the cash register assuming it was a $20, because she's a regular and she knows how much the drinks are. yea, it was my fault for not confirming with her that it was a $10 and not a $20. but anyway, i get halfway to the register, see that it's a $10, and walk right back and say that it's $13, not $20. she takes the $10 and pockets it. i say, "no, i need $13 from you." she said, "no, i gave you a $20 and you came back with $10 change." i said, "no i didn't open the cash register, i came back as soon as i found out it was a $10." she said, no. i said, no. she said no. i said, "even if i came back with change it would not have been $10 because the drinks are $13, not $10." she said, no. then her GUY friend says, "wait, i saw you give her a $10." hahahahaha. so she finally gives me a fucking $20, i come back with change, and i hear her yelling at him about something along the lines of "you owe me..." and then she didn't tip me, but what did i expect. seriously. fucking bitches. it's bad enough that people are cheapskates, but it's worse when they try to be dishonest about it. geez.

wow, that was a long vent. but well worth it for me.

if the bar manager isn't happy

if the bar manager isn't happy, then no one is happy.

ordering from 2 different bartenders

pet peeve of every bartender in the world: customers who order from two different bartenders at the same time, with the same order, because 1) they think you're too incompetent to remember their order, 2) they are impatient, 3) they think all of us behind the bar can communicate with ESP. this idiot ordered 3 rum&cokes, then when i brought them to him apparently he had already just gotten them, from the other bartender. MORON.

choke a lime

this guy tried to order a weird drink over the insanely loud music. he said, "myers, tonic, double, choke a lime." so first of all, myers and tonic is pretty nasty, but to each his own. fine, i'll make it for him. double shot? fine. choke a lime? wtf? i'm not a fruit murderer. over the loud music i thought he said "SoCo lime." so i kept trying to ask him if he wanted a separate shot and he kept saying no. so after the whole awkward shennanigan (in which he didn't stop saying "choke a lime".. he could have just said 'give me a damn lime') i just gave him the drink with a lime and he 'choked' the lime himself. i guess i'm not cool enough to know what 'choke a lime' meant.

scooby dooby doo, where are you

the dj played a remix clip of this song today. scooby dooby doo, where are you? it was awesome.

i work on wall street, darling

a regular patron comes in with a friend that i haven't met. apparently he hadn't been around because he'd been working in new york, and just dropped by for a visit.

me: "so what's been keeping you busy in new york?"
him: "oh i work on wall street, darling."
me: "oh, that's cool, what do you do there?"
him: "oh you know, i work with the traders and stocks and bonds and all sorts of stuff."
me: "nice, so you're a trader?"
him: "well no, i HIRE the traders, you know, i've been building whole divisions from the ground up."
me: "oo ok, that's really cool."
him: "yea, you know, i'm part of the whole dot.com business, i've helped hire whole company divisions and stuff."
me: "hehe, that's really amazing!"

hi-la-ri-ous!

buying drinks for 2 girls at once

mr. sexy tips me well every time. tall dark and handsome, very polite, softspoken, and definitely sexy. with nice shoulders ;) and he is way too smooth!

so he comes in, buys a drink, tips well, good stuff. A couple hours later, he comes to the bar with a girl, and orders 2 kamikaze shots and 1 drink. as i make the drinks and serve them, the girl had gone somewhere for a second. he says, take a shot with me? i'm like, 'oh, this shot is for me?' so we take the shot, and right after we finish the girl comes back and he hands her the 3rd drink. you had to be there to see how smoothly it went. i was pretty mind-boggled. guys have got to learn from this eh?

you can't buy my love

so most of you haven't heard about this guy. he's in his older years (looks good for his age though). about a month ago when we first met, he always came in almost every day i worked, put down a $20, ordered a soft drink, and gave the rest to me in tips (usually $18). which was absolutely insane. this went on for about 2 weeks and then he asked me out to dinner. to tell you the truth, this guy is a damned millionare, but i had to say no. and after that he only came in once or twice more before disappearing from the face of the earth. that was when i worked tuesdays and thursdays.

today, i worked wednesday to cover for another bartender. lo and behold, he walks in. and hell yea he was surprised to see me there. and he avoided eye contact for a while, but it was quiet (7pm ish) so eventually we had to talk. so yea we chatted and all that good stuff. and come time for him to go.. $0 in tips for me. Yea! 1) i don't want your damn money if you think you can buy me like all your other sluts, and 2) you're a bastard for trying to spite me with the $0 tip. at least give me a damn dollar to show that it's all good. but no, you gotta be a bastard. thanks. i'm glad i rejected your sorry ass.

do you know where lithuania is?

this couple walked in and ordered some drinks, and started talking in a foreign language that i've never heard. that's fine and dandy, i spend some time talking to this other patron at the bar, and we both were wondering what language they were speaking. then the couple asked for their check and i took the opportunity to say, "what language were you speaking in? it's very beautiful." the guy was flattered and said it was lithuanian. i said, oh nice, i've never heard it before.

the warm fuzzy story could have ended there, but no. we have to make this a good story. he went on to say (in a very well-intentioned manner), "do you know where lithuania is?" i said, oh yea it's one of the smaller countries in eastern europe right? and he said, "do you know where the baltic sea is?" and after i said yes, he proceeded to draw me a map on the bar top of lithuania's location relative to the baltic sea. "here is the baltic sea...and here is lithuania." great, buddy. unfortunately, i'm not your typical ignorant american (well, i try not to be) and i HAVE passed 8th grade geography, thank you very much. but he was just excited about talking about his country i suppose, so all is well. he did tip me insanely well, probably because i said his language was beautiful. i just feel sorry for the ignorant americans he's met who have probably never even HEARD of lithuania.

you can buy the bartender's attention

by tipping extravagantly, you're almost guaranteed to pique the bartender's interest, or at least catch the bartender's attention, whether it be in a bad or good way (usually good, haha).

on the same note, guys who buy me drinks behind the bar are pretty sexy. but they gotta know how to top it off with a great tip, or it sort of goes to waste. today some guy bought me a shot AND tipped me a bajillion bucks. the other day some guy bought me a shot but tipped me normally, like 2 bucks or something, which was sort of sucky.. the $10 he spent on the shot would have felt better in my pocket. lol.

so many drinks

so many people bought me drinks today. good thing it was over many hours.

the thing is, i'd rather them tip me the $7-8 for the drink instead of buying me the drink, which i could theoretically have for free in the first place. but whatever.

there was this one guy that bought me a shot AND tipped me a bajillion dollars. which brings me to my next post...

andrew visited

andrew came to visit today. it was sort of surprising and very sweet :) of course i hooked him up like no other -- i think he paid for a quarter of the actual tab. ;) so come visit me!