no tab for you, BIG GUY

This other guy orders a Heineken.

"Sure, $5 sir."

"Can I start a tab?"

"Sorry sir, we don't start tabs." More like, I'm not going to start a tab for you who orders 1 beer every hour. No.

"WHY?!?" Wow, he really gave me an attitude on that one.

"Well, the managers don't want us to start tabs when it's too busy."

"Fine." Throws down a $5 bill and turns away.

Good job, buddy, you made a worse name for tabbers than those girls did earlier. Maybe if you left a tip I would start a tab.

no tab for you

Our manager doesn't like starting tabs for random people because it's too much hassle for the customer and the bartender, AND the management in case the tabs aren't closed, etc. Therefore, we only open tabs for regulars, or people that have dinner at the bar and several rounds of liquor, and ring up huge tabs.

These two girls come in when it's pretty busy and sit down at the bar. One orders a "pineapple juice, no ice," and the other orders a "gin and tonic, please." I bring them their drinks and the second girl asks if they can open a tab. Darling, how many of those gin and tonics do you REALLY think you'll go through? Especially since you're hanging out with your girlfriend who isn't even drinking alcohol?

"Sorry, we don't open tabs here when it's too busy, the managers don't want us to."

"Oh okay...well, how much is each drink?" As I only gave them the total price, because why would the girl pay for her $3 juice separately?

But then, I guess if she's only drinking juice, what did I expect from her friend -- to be generous enough to pay for the juice?

The juice girl takes out a $5 to pay for the $3 juice, the other girl takes out a $10 to pay for the $7 drink. (But still not as bad as the 3 women who ordered 3 glasses of wine and tipped $1 total, and then had the nerve to smile at me and say "Bye!" when they left. $1/$24 -- that's like, what, 5%????? SERIOUSLY!)

10-15 minutes later, the girls get up and leave. Now, did you REALLY want me to start a tab for you? It's more trouble than it's worth. Please, it's people like you who abuse the tab policy who give tab people a bad name!

consumer tipping #1

Consumer tipping is innately flawed. This is a huge issue with so many facets to it that I cannot express them all, much less list them off the top of my head at the moment. So this will be a work in progress, or at least several posts on the same topic, whenever I feel like ranting.

Issue #1.
Tipping is based on a person's spending habits, and the level of service only changes the amount of tipping minimally, and even then only for a small percentage of customers. Therefore, there is no incentive for a server/bartender to give great service as opposed to moderate service. More on this later!

the working hands of a bartender

I can never get my nails done because bartending ruins them. Cuts and nicks, chipped nail polish and dry hands -- ugh. The worst is having a cut on my hand, knowing that I have to cut limes and lemons at work.

Oh, the sting.

I had a pretty deep cut on my finger so I wound the band-aid tightly around it for the night, but liquid/water/lime juice still gets in. Well, that night someone asked for a drink with Grey Goose and I held two glasses in my left hand, and with my other hand, accidentally reached for the Belvedere bottle. As I suddenly realized that the drink called for Grey Goose and not Belvedere, I immediately jerked the bottle up before any vodka could come out, but as I did so, a splash of Belvedere dripped onto my left hand, right on my cut.

Good god, I wasn't expecting this sting like no other!

But the vodka immediately cleaned it out and the cut started healing the day after. Good ol vodka, the ultimate cure-all.

arrogant old guy

This old guy came in with a girl he met about 2 months earlier. They were talking to me about how they were getting married and how she's the love of his life, yada yada. We were talking about stuff and somehow got on the topic of Seattle and Spokane. I pronounced it Spok-Anne and he said, "No, it's Spok-Ayne." I didn't argue with him even though he was clearly ignorant and wrong, because I figure old arrogant men have to keep their dignity somehow. Besides, he apparently owned his own business and was a bigshot and so I thought, well maybe he'll tip well if I let him keep his ignorant views.

The best part though, was when I looked at his credit card receipt later and he left me $10 tip on a $66.40 bill. On the back of the slip he had written 3.32 + 6.64 = 9.96 to calculate exactly 15% tip. It was sad, because I didn't really have to go through the agony of talking to his arrogant man, and getting wrongfully based lectures from him just to get the 15%. I'm not that desperate, but apparently he is either that stingy or 15% is that much for him. And I gave him GREAT service, not just mediocre stuff that normal people would tip 15% for.

damn managers

One of the managers is a really big flirt with all the servers/bartenders, except me of course. So this ex-server who always comes into the bar always flirts with him and stuff. She never pays for her drinks, or at least never full price. I don't know how much she pays though (if at all) because I've never served her. So she orders two shots from me, right where the manager is (cuz she's flirting with him). I make her the two shots, she throws down a $10 bill, and turns away before I can stop her. The total should have been $14. The manager SEES the $10 bill. He didn't stop her and ask her to put down more money. So I assume (yes, making an ass out of myself) that he condoned that the drinks were on the house and that the $10 was tip. Of course, I probably should have asked him, but being the dumbass I am, I didn't. So I just put the $10 in the tip jar. Then he comes over and yells at me and asked why I didn't charge her for the drinks. It was busy so I didn't have time to explain, but I said that she gave me $10 and I assumed that was tip. He just gave me a mean look and took the $10 from the jar and put it in the cash register, aka leaving me with zero tip. First of all she was an ex-server and she always leaves a lot of tip, so my reasoning wasn't completely off the wall. Secondly, she always gets free drinks from the managers so I assumed this was the case again, since this whole thing happened RIGHT in front of the manager -- it's not like I'm blatantly trying to steal money from the bar RIGHT in front of his eyes!

The next day I come into work, the head manager confronts me about this. I explain to him my situation and he lectures me about giving drinks away and blah blah, then he says he doesn't want me handling money for the rest of the night and wants me to do the service bar. First of all the other 2 bartenders can't handle the crowd and they are definitely not good enough at multitasking (aka serving drinks AND clearing the bar, since we have no barbacks). Secondly, the customers know me and they order drinks from me whether I am serving or not. Thirdly, the servers don't tip us out for making drinks for them, which is the policy here at the bar, so fuck that. Anyway, to make a long story short, I get completely pissed off but instead of expressing it, I decide to be more patient and talk with the manager again and explain my situation more clearly. Whatever, him and the other manager probably don't trust me, but it's because their management sucks and it's not my fault they're greedy little bitches trying to pin the blame on me and make me look like the bad guy. Look, if he REALLY cared about the money he could have stopped the girl and made her pay the right price for it. But obviously he didn't care about it enough to make himself look like a bad guy in front of her, so he wanted ME to be the bad guy, and wanted me to take the blame for it. Zzzzzz. Again, what can you do.

drama in the workforce

Had a busy Friday at the bar this week. Apparently though, the servers didn't do as well as they thought they did, and drama is revealed among them.

One of the servers got a great table that was out for someone'e birthday and spent well over $1000 - $2000 on Dom Perignon bottles and drinks. That server got a high total of tips over the whole night, quite high in fact. However, all servers pool tips as do the bartenders. When all the tips were counted up, the leftover total minus that one server's tips was sort of low among the other 2 servers, since the bar was really busy that night.

Here the servers have to give their receipts/tips to one of the managers who then puts the receipts into a pool. Now if the tip count was low, the servers would naturally suspect the manager for not putting all the receipts. So this whole drama was going on, as the servers thought they made more. What can one do? Take it or leave it.

Then later this other server was talking to one of the other bartenders and complaining about how one of the other servers owed her $9 but only gave her $4 or something. That was pretty sad. There is one thing I would never do, and that is cheat my co-workers. Sure, sometimes I feel like I do most of the work, but they pull their weight too and work honestly and I would never want to see them treated unfairly. That's why it sucked so much to overhear this conversation. I mean, while I know that other server earned a lot in tips, she just got lucky and got a good table. It's sort of different with servers because they get specific tables which can be good or bad, whereas with bartenders, at least in my bar, we share the bar and sales and the system doesn't record how much each person sold. So it's harder to justify saying that one bartender worked harder than the other except by how we see things being done. Anyway, lots of blabbing from me here, but this is one of the issues that comes up in the service industry that could be changed, but is hard to find a solution for as well as change/transition out of in the first place.

no tip, bad service

Hey guys, it's been a while! Sorry to keep y'all waiting :) I had spring break and took two weeks off. But also, the thing is, so many things happen at the bar that I just don't remember them or they don't surprise me anymore. But I'll still try to keep this interesting, because I know you don't get the BENEFIT of dealing with stupid people everyday!

So the other bartender said to me, "I'd serve her a drink if she actually tipped." I said, "Who?" and she nodded at the blond chick. This blond lady flagged me down a short while later and asked me for a drink. I thought she was nice and thought that well, maybe she'll tip this time. So I give her the drink, yada yada, and she leaves zero tip. I'm like, well guess the other bartender was right. So after that, the lady had to ask each of the bartenders like 3 times before any of us would serve her a drink. Sorry lady, but your beautiful expensive blond locks couldn't get you out of this one!

Yes, I may sound greedy. But there are things that can be changed in the service industry (aka tips/wages) that I may not see changed in my lifetime. And while these things aren't changed, I will do my job as logically and passionately as I can while keeping a fine balance of both. Sure, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and served her the drink even after my co-worker warned me. But I can serve other customers in the same time and earn more for myself, my co-workers, and probably the bar since more generous patrons would probably buy more drinks in the long run anyway. Sorry blond lady (not really).

love > money

there was a guy who wouldn't stop staring me down at work last night. he was very drunk and probably very horny. he wrote "i love you!" at the top of the credit card slip after he signed it, but left $0 tip. I guess his love makes up for money (or lack thereof), eh eh?

virgin martini

The server sent in an order to the service bar -- "Virgin Martini". We all had a good laugh at that one. (For those of you who don't know - a Martini is 100% alcohol).

Then we asked her what it meant -- she said she'd go find out from the customer. She came back with the answer: "Virgin Cosmo." We had another good laugh. (A cosmo is like 98% alcohol).

I ended up making a drink of Cranberry+Orange Juice with a dash of Lime Juice and Sour Mix. I think that cost him $8 as opposed to $3 for a normal juice drink. LOL.

summer jam

I love the DJ on saturday nights. he plays awesome mellow trance music before the hiphop crowd comes in, and he also plays oldies and dance remixes. Last night he played Summer Jam and I love that song -- I haven't heard it in forever! It just snowed a million inches here in Philly last night, and it was slow but a couple big tippers were there to cushion the fall. And yea, that song makes me miss summer...and california :>

cheap rolled bills

If I ask you for $5 for a bottle of beer, PLEASE don't give me 5 crumpled dollar bills. With no tip.

You know, maybe I should be counting my blessings. Because sometimes they give 4 crumpled dollar bills, and by the time I unroll them they're gone.

Seriously.

have your martini and drink it too

Do girls think that flavored martinis aren't supposed to be strong because they're colorful and girly looking? I mean, this girl said the cosmo was too strong so she wanted more cranberry juice in it. okay, it IS pretty much 96+% alcohol. What do you expect?

Someone else ordered a gimlet and said it was too strong. Please, that's also like 98% vodka. What do you want, water? Maybe cuz you wanted well vodka, and I gotta admit that is nasty stuff.

glass of Philly water

This guy asked what beer Hoegaarden was, and i explained that it was a white belgium beer. After that when he ordered another round he'd ask for more of the 'Belgium' beer. At the end of the night, he sweetly asked if he could have a glass of 'Philly' water. I don't know many guys that can pull off this level of corniness :)

i'm back, with a cut

Hey all. It's been a while, but I hope that those of you religiously devoted to my stories can forgive my temporary hiatus. I'm also going to try to keep my posts less vulgar, because I've decided that coming off as a seriously angry person in my posts is 1) not fully representative of who I am, only of the tired angry person I am after serving idiots at work, and 2) does not hold true anymore because our bar now legally stops serving alcohol after 2 am after the cops gave the owners a warning, which means now I get to go home at 3am instead of like 4-5am waiting for morons to go home, and 3) now that i've seen pretty much all the things stupid people can do, i'm more inclined to be immune to them... but there's a LOT of stupid people out there.. including myself (read below).

so a martini glass was knocked over into the bar, and broke in the sink. well, of course it was busy as heck so i just fished out the big chunks and threw them away. at the end of the shift there were a bunch of towels in the sink and i reached in to grab one.. and promptly cut my finger. it hurt almost as much as the realization of how careless i was :P

exCUSE me, but i ordered a water...!!

come 2am, last call and last drinks are served. this girl asks for water and i'm in the middle of wiping down the bar or rinsing something, and i completely forget about the water. then i pass by a couple minutes later and she's like, "exCUSE ME, but I ORDERED A WATER and i HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT YET." i was like...wtf?? and i look at her and nod. then of course i don't give her the damn water because she gave me such an attitude.

haha i made her complain about 3 times before i actually gave her the water, and i only gave her water when i made water for another guy who only had to ask nicely ONCE.

people need to chill. (myself included? lol).

waiting for a table at a busy bar

It was surprisingly busy at the bar during dinnertime. Which means it was also busy at the tables, which means people had to wait for tables at the bar. So three people come and take up 3 bar stools and sit and chat as they wait for their table, and don't order any drinks. People are trying to order drinks from me AROUND them. Please, be aware of your surroundings and realize that you are in the way?

big shot ny guy.. again (warning - long)

remember that guy who came in a while ago and bragged about how he worked on wall street? then when i asked what he did, he said ' oh i work with stocks and bonds and stuff like that." then i asked, 'oh , do you trade?" he said, "nah, i help build the company, infrastructure, hire people." HAHAHAHAHA. you work on wall street as a recruiter, darling, yes, it's such an IMPORTANT job. (relatively, of course.)

So anyway , he comes in again today and we sort of reintroduce ourselves again because we both sorta forgot each other. so i said, 'oh yea, you're the guy that travels between ny and philly. so how's your work going in ny?" and he said "oh you know, ny is ny, pretty cool (in a pretty condescending tone, as if i had no idea what ny was like)." later another regular comes in and asks me about the job offer i took, which is with a boutique consulting firm in ny after graduation. then after that the guy starts smack talking consulting, about how it doesn't pay well, and he could get me a job anywhere i want to in ny. then i get into a discussion about how yes, consulting in GENERAL is pretty sucky, and in general they don't pay well, but my firm happens to be paying me just as much as wall streeters AND other stuff. Then he continues being an ass and saying, 'well just tell me where you want to work and i'll get you a job anywhere you like.' i said, no i chose this company for a reason...blah blah.

So ANYWAY later he looks at me and he says, ' you know, you look like a goldman sachs girl (as if he was the EXPERT)." i said, 'well i DID coincidentally work for them one summer, but what exactly does a goldman sachs girl represent?" and he said,' oh you know, just cute, stuff like that." and i said, "well that depends on the department" while REALLY i was thinking of the big arrogant assholes at GS who have sticks up their asses and think they're better than the rest of the world...coincidentally like this guy! WOW. THIS is why i don't want to work in a bulge bracket firm and deal with fucking bullshit assholes who think they're god's gift to earth. AHH! AHH ! AHH!!

ok, end /rant

eggnog isn't alcoholic

after 2 am:
guy: Can I get two beers please?
me: Sorry, we're not serving anymore alcohol.
guy: Aw, really? me: Yes, really.
guy's friend: Well, can I have some eggnog then?
me: We don't have eggnog.
guy's [fucking moron idiot asshole] friend: Yes, but you said no more alcohol right? Eggnog isn't alcoholic.
me: Ok, but we don't have eggnog. Bye!

Smart-alecky morons who think they're funny ought to be shot. And eggnog is usually served with alcohol, dumbass.

i spend $8 on a girl's drink but $0 on tip

Please don't try to act like a gentleman and pretend you can afford the $8 drink for that whore that's flirting with you, when you can't even afford a tip that's > $0.

i'm too good to drink, but not to smoke

This guy came in and ordered a soda. Gave some stupid excuse about not drinking.

Then he pulls out a cigarette and starts chain smoking.

Seriously, he must be smoking some good stuff if he thinks smoking is any better for you than drinking is.

sore calves

Tonight was my first night back at work after a long hiatus of two weeks or so. And anyone that says bartending is easy work is crazy, because it's mentally and physically draining. Either that or I was truly a bum over winter break, because my calves were sore after standing and moving all night.